Be Your Own Kind of Mother

For some reason people all around me seem to think I need to hear their unsolicited advice about raising my baby. Maybe I look like I don’t know what I’m doing. Maybe it’s because I’m a young, first-time mom. I can’t figure it out, but everyone has something to suggest or critique me on.

And please don’t try to tell me that I’m being too “sensitive”. If I think back, I really started to get unsolicited advice long before I became a mother. I got engaged at the age of 19 and heard comments from multiple people, like: “why not just move in together?” or “why don’t you just take it slow” *insert eye roll*

My husband and I got married when I was 20 and he was 25 and neither of us ever had cold feet about it or let other people’s thoughts/judgements stop us. We knew that we loved each other and that we wanted to be our own family. I am SO glad we didn’t let other people’s opinions dictate our lives.

When I told people that we were planning on having a natural water birth at home I think less than three people were excited for us. EVERYONE had to immediately share their hospital horror stories with us and say things like “If we hadn’t been at the hospital then mom/baby wouldn’t have made it”. Let me just say this: I love hospitals. I love doctors. Thank GOODNESS for modern medicine! I had a no-risk pregnancy and I didn’t see myself being able to naturally deliver my baby comfortably in a hospital.

I saw an OBGYN for check-ups and we even did the labor and delivery hospital tour in case we did have to go to the hospital. We were prepared, but guess what – I had an AMAZING labor and delivery in the comfort of our living room. And I wouldn’t change that for anything! We had very little support with that decision, but we stuck to our guns and we did it any way.

I’m not saying that all advice is bad advice, but please read this carefully: if someone isn’t asking for your advice or opinion – please ask yourself if it is absolutely crucial for you to share it. I don’t want to hear that I’m a “bad mom” because my baby is barefoot 90% of the time ( we live in sunny Southern California). Or that I shouldn’t wear my baby so much because he will have “unhealthy attachment” to me…uhm he is MY baby, he grew in MY womb, he should feel safest with me.

I know that I don’t know everything, and I often ask for tips and seek counsel when it comes to things I have zero experience with. I have no idea if letting Cole cry himself to sleep will have negative long term effects. Or if letting him feed himself is actually beneficial to him, or if it really just creates a huge mess for me to clean up.

I guess my whole point of writing this is to say that I would really appreciate some space. I would appreciate some space to figure out what kind of mother I am. This is all brand new to me and I’m going to make mistakes, but that is how I will learn. As much as I gave birth to Cole, he has also given me this new role as his mama. We need to learn how to do life together ❤️

Mahalo!

☮️